| Items
For Sale |
For
Sale 14" monitor. Like new, barely used. One owner- a little
old lady with bad eyesight.
Call Ben at 555-1138 |
4
Sale Cheap! 1959 Edsel. Good condishun-slightly modified.
Call Ed 555-3662 |
For
Sale 3-headed monkey. Cash in advance. V/MC/AMEX
G. Lucas
1-800-STAR-WARS |
For
Sale Copy of "How to pick up girls" (only used once)
also copy of "How to kiss a girl" (never opened)
Call Bernard at 555-1902 |
Need
to move immediately! Giant liquidation sale for one day only.
Cannons of all shapes, sizes, and caliburs. We need to clear the space
for a HUGE incoming shipment!
Call Kenny @ 555-1909
Act now and my mom will deliver your cannon for FREE! |
For
Sale: 300 watt SB-50 stereo w/3-way speakers, CD player, and AM-FM
tuner.
Call 555-1927 after midnite and leave message. |
Giant
Dorm Sale! -=Bargains! Bargains!=-
Personal stuff that used to belong to Bill, Jennifer, and Brad.
Room 317 |
1000's
Of Items For Sale! Just place an ad like one of these in The National
Inquisitor, and you can make YOUR item one of those sold! No real
ads please. This is a joke page, after all.
E-mail [email protected] to have your ad placed TODAY!!! |
| For
sale:One car of indeterminant make. $200. No tags. No papers.
Slight scratches on trunk. Contact "The Whisperer" by leaving
the cash under Ted's birdbath at the Mansion. I'll leave the keys
24hrs later |
| Items
Needed |
Need
ride to LaGrande, Oregon Want to leave sometime after finals week.
Will pay half of all speeding tickets.
Contact Ron in room 1197 |
Wanted
To Buy Jar-Jar Binks' head in a bag.
- Any *true* Star Wars fan. 555-<any 4 numbers here> |
Hook
Needed Need left-handed. Will pay cash.
Ludger Brink 555-NASA |
Wanted-To-Buy
Needed: 1 Repel-The-Living© spell, 1 voodoo doll (generic), and
1 stuffed dog (for companionship)
Call Ted at 555-5555 (If no-one answers, it's me.) |
|
|
| Notices |
Reward
Offered If anyone can help me find the captain of the ship that
sank my glass-bottomed touring boat last tuesday, I will pay 500 gold
pieces.
Largo LeGrand 555-8088
p.s. Will also help in middle-to-upper management position, if you
have one that needs to be filled |
To
Whom It May Concern: Whoever gave me that radio to repair. It's
ready
Bernard |
To
all students The following students have been moved to Valley
Psychiatric Institution as permanant residents. If you want, you can
send flowers to Ward 7.
Bill Simms
Jennifer Mills
Brad Clinton |
| Lost
& Found |
Missing
From Room 1447 300 watt SB-50 stereo with 3-way speakers, CD player,
and AM-FM tuner.
If found, call Cindy 555-1403 |
| Help
Wanted |
Attention:
Job-Seekers Need to earn extra $$$ for school, or just want a
job with adventure, excitement, and the chance to travel? We ALWAYS
have positions open! Join the military and take back what is rightfully
yours!
Contact Murray at 555-0666 for recruitment information. |
| Photography
For All Occasions Michael F. Stoppe, State University, Porter
Hole Hall, Rm. 404, 555-1467 |
| Personal
Ads |
mwf
seeks swm for romantic interludes.
Likes long walks on the beach, dancing, and tying suitors to her bed.
Discression is a must, but inhibitions will just get in the way.
Call Edna @ 555-3385 or 1-900-TIE-ME-UP ($3.99/minute charge applies) |
swm
seeks swf for long-term (or short term) relationship. Likes
long walks on the beach (but only if we can rest frequently), discussing
applied quantum mechanics in relation to the unified feild theory
in situations where cheese is involved, and watching Mystery Science
Theater 3000. Does not like nurses, being tied to the bed, or dancing.
Edna, this means stop calling me!
Call Bernard at 555-1902 |
| Pets |
Free
to a good home
Mixed-breed dog, missing one eye and one leg, tail nubbed in freak
Lego accident. Partially nuetered in same accident, so fathering offspring
chances are only 50/50. Housebroken (If you live outdoors), and loves
small children - especially with gravy. Answers to the name of "Lucky".
Call Ben @ 555-1138 |
| |
|
